jeremylinsmiling

Breaking News Report: ‘Chink,’ ‘Faggot,’ and ‘Nigga’ Preferable to ‘Coolie,’ ‘Fairy,’ and ‘Nigger’

SAN DIEGO, California (JYH News) — ESPN has apologized for the use of an ethnic slur Saturday in reference to Knicks player Jeremy Lin’s first loss in the NBA against the New Orleans Hornets. The phrase “Chink in Armor” was used as part of a headline on ESPN’s mobile website, and appeared for 35 minutes before being removed. Lin is of Chinese descent, his parents having grown up in Taiwan.

ESPN issued an apology in a statement and has fired an employee responsible for the headline. However, the firing of the ESPN writer and other recent remarks made in reference to Lin’s race have prompted a debate recently over whether political correctness has been taken too far.

Jason Evans, a writer at the Huffington Post, has spoken out over what he views as an overreaction: “I am all for equal rights, but sacking an employee for one word is going way too far. Being overly obsessive about taking terms out of common English usage like ‘chink,’ ‘nigga,’ and even ‘faggot’ sets up a precedent where we’ll live in a society where people like me–” (Evans is of Scottish-Welsh descent) “–won’t be able to say those words casually, even among black friends who know that I know exactly where they’re coming from.”

“And let’s be honest, everybody prefers ‘chink,’ ‘nigga,’ and ‘faggot’ to ‘coolie,’ ‘fairy,’ and ‘nigger.’ I’m an avid hip-hop listener, and trust me, there is a strong distinction between ‘nigga’ and ‘nigger.’” Evans at this point pulls from his leather messenger bag a copy of Jay-Z’s “American Gangster” album and Lil Wayne’s “Tha Carter IV.” “Only in America could these lyrical masters have made it regardless of their race. Call me naive, but I think we’ve come a long way.”

Catherine Murray, a field coordinator at Americans for Prosperity, has spoken out against what she views as a double standard unfairly applied to whites: “I am of proud Irish descent, and you don’t see me complaining when people make reference to my drinking habits when I sometimes take my Vicodin with a mimosa at birthday parties. Contrary to what many may think, I have had a hard struggle with alcoholism throughout my life, and it’s very difficult at work the next day knowing that what’s responsible for my addiction is an ancestral and predetermined condition that I have no personal control over.”

Finally, JYH News was able to gain an exclusive interview with the fired ESPN headline writer himself (under alias ‘Chris’), who wished to remain anonymous, and was, surprisingly, of Asian descent. When asked about his reaction on being fired, Chris responded with a shrug. “I mean honestly, I was pretty taken aback. When Stephen Colbert did an Asian impression on his show in FOB English, I actually found it very funny and tasteful, especially in the context of everything he stands for. So when I came up with the ‘chink’ pun, it didn’t matter that I was the only Asian writer in the room, everybody thought it was hilarious, and also ballsy that I had the guts to take potshots at my own race like that.”

When asked if he had ever been the subject of racial stereotypes, Chris laughed. “Of course. I don’t take it too personally though, as everything has some truth and some falsity to it, you know? I didn’t get anywhere near a 2400 on my SATs, and the small penis thing, well, it’s whatever. But you know what? I’d rather be a stand-in minority for a white guy any day. Blacks and Hispanics, they’re pretty good at handling politics, entertainment, and being represented in American society, but I like to think we take care of the important stuff: like diagnosing lung cancer in lifelong smokers and filing tax returns. Where would America be without that?”

“Asian pride, man.”

(Photo courtesy of Flickr / Kimberly)